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itsmechloemay

A Bit Of Everything...

Hello my lovelies, it's been a bloomin' long time since I last blogged - to be honest I've had that much happen in the past year+ that it was the last thing on my mind, I simply forgot about it. 

As you can tell from the title, one of the major changes to my life is the fact that I'm expecting! Shocked? I was too, I had a miscarriage the 13th August 2018 and didn't have a period afterwards (minus the clots and bleeding from my loss) but didn't think nothing of it, was a massive surprise to find out in October that I was 7weeks pregnant!
My partner was over the moon but I was more scared of losing yet another baby that I never really had it sink in until I got past the 12 week mark but even now it doesn't feel real and I'm constantly on edge of something happening.
Anywho, I wanted to write a post to raise awareness on mental health in pregnancy as I feel it's not greatly spoke about which alongside those painting the pretty picture of pregnancy (which I'm in no way meaning any offence, I actually envy them) and those claiming that anyone who doesn't enjoy their pregnancy doesn't love nor deserve their baby, that we're not grateful for our bundle of joy - all of which is highly untrue! 
I for one love my baby girl with all of my heart even though this has been one of the toughest experiences of my whole entire life.
I've suffered with an eating disorder for many years and was on the road to recovery just before finding out I was pregnant, at first my partner and I assumed it would be easy, a blessing in fact to have fell pregnant in my recovery admit would give me more of a reason to eat, stay healthy and keep on the right track, which for a period of time it was and it still is apart from the fact that my body has changed. You're probably all sat there thinking the same thing 'obviously Chloe-May, that's what happens, you get a bump to provide space for your baby' and obviously I was fully aware of that but I just never actually saw it happening until it started to grow.
At times I'll love my little bump and want to show it off like a little accessory but more than often I just want to lock myself away and never let anyone see me. Admittedly I feel massive, fat and ugly in my body. It doesn't go to say that I don't love what/who my body is creating or that I'm not proud of it for doing so but my body perspective is far from one of beauty. Clothes shopping is something I used to live but now I just dread it, everything that fits my legs and bum to the point I feel confident is far too tight on my stomach and anything that fits nicely around my bump, well it's too big for my bum and legs meaning I just look baggy and saggy which only just adds to the way I feel and look.
Secondly; I suffer from SPD, Pelvic Girdle Pain and incredibly bad sickness pretty much from the start. All the daily activities like going to the toilet, having a shower, walking, going upstairs and even just standing and sitting legit kill me. I spend most of my days crying in pain and having to lay down on the sofa or in bed with a hot water bottle and pain kilkers. It's very rare I get to do anything outside of my home so the odd times I feel well enough to go out I take full advantage as I know that the few hours I'm good are only going to make my pains even worse when I get back and I won't be able to move from the bed without Chris carrying me everywhere for the next god knows how long.
In conclusion, pregnancy just takes a massive toll on you not only physically but mentally also. Momma's never ever feel as though you can't express how you genuinely feel during pregnancy. If you enjoy it and love every second then sing it from the rooftops and if, like me, you find it in incredibly exhausting mentally and physically then make that aware too! Get the help you need and never ever feel like you'll be judged - I promise you no matter what your story or feelings are there's always someone out there that feels the same way and would find comfort in talking to someone who understands. 
Either way Momma's it"s all worth it in the end!
This year has been one of the most chaotic, life changing and flabbergasting years for me.
So much has changed within such a short period of time and I can hardly believe that 2017 will come to an end in just a few weeks time.
It's fair to say I'm definitely not the same person as I was when I kissed goodbye to 2016.
I lost my first love and my heart got broken incredibly bad (still is NGL) BUT I've learnt from my mistakes and although I'll never not love him or forget what we had I finally came to terms with the fact we aren't together anymore and am ready to spend a non heartbroken life from here on out.
I started this year without a family, I was in and out of care, sofa surfing on a ton of friends sofas and living in my moms old house without any money, heating, electricity etc..
In March I was then moved into another supported lodgings placement which is basically foster care for those of 17+ and it offers you more of an independent route.
I kind of accepted that I wouldn't have a connection with my family again and although it broke my heart I remembered my Nana always told me 'Que Sera Sera; Whatever Will Be Will Be'.
It was the song we used to sing every time we saw each other when she was alive and even now I can picture us doing so.
Just over a month had passed since being at my new placement and me and my First Love had broke up. I went into a rebellious teenager; I skipped college, I was angry constantly and broke down a lot. 

  1. On April 16th 2017 me and Jade had went to see one of her friends in a little village not too far from our own. I remembered the street but I couldn't recall where from. It was only when they'd asked my name and my Auntie had walked in and gave me a hug that I remembered. I remember how when we stopped hugging she saw the black lipstick and told me i looked like a witch haha. 5 minutes later my Dad ran up the street and me towards him and we hugged so tight I thought I might die. It was honestly one of those moments you would see in a movie and I could only wish I got it on camera but nether the less it's in my heart forever.
That same day she pulled me out of care, I mean it took a while but my social worker agreed to it and I was permanently placed there.

This year I'll be celebrating my first Christmas with my family since I was 10.
It might not be with my sisters and mother but I think we all know my true family is with my Dad, Auntie and Cousins.
I couldn't be more thankful to have these people in my life and will forever be grateful for how much they've changed my life for the better.
They truly have saved my life.









Hello my lovelies,

It’s been so long since I’ve wrote on this blog that honestly I forgot that it even existed but lately I’ve been feeling suffocated by everything that’s been going on in my life and I needed my little escape back. 

I’ve been sat for about 3 days now wondering what I’m going to write; should I make it all jolly? Maybe talk about the weather or beauty and fashion considering that’s what I started this with? Nothing came, the ideas weren’t flowing and every post just failed.

Which is when I decided to change this into a advice blog!! 
Okay, advice is probably hitting the nail on the head to harshly but I want to talk/write more about things that really do happen in life and maybe even do some poetry? 

I’ll still do the occasional beauty, fashion etc.. posts now and again but for now it’s just not who I am and I’d rather write from my heart on something I’m passionate about.

I really hope you can follow me on my next chapter.

The new me.

Peace, love, rubber gloves.
Chloë-May x


Well hello there lovelies,
Today is January the 1st of 2017.
Yes, I know 2016 went by so fast and for me personally it was the worst possible year.
I've lost so much last year and it's fair to say I ended the year with people I didn't even know compared to the people that I expected too. 
Instead of dwelling on last year, I've decided to make a list of things to do differently. Little aspects of my life that I can change or add too, to make me a happier person. I'm not in anyway saying these are my New Years resolutions - because let's be real, who sticks to those ahaha!! - this is simply a bucket list of things I want to achieve.

1) I want to travel the world more - including exploring my own country.

2) Remove anyone from your life who doesn't benefit you or put in the effort, I.e remove any negativity
.
3) Become more social - I've kind of became a herbit and a couch potato last year
4) Blog and Vlog more.

5) Lastly, have more me time. Care less about what people think and don't be afraid to be myself!

I'm feeling cautiously optimistic about this year, and I'm so happy that I get to share it with an amazing bunch of people including all of you!

Lots of hugs, C L O. 


Hello lovelies,
as some of you may know I attend a college primarily for animal care, agriculture, horticulture and floristry.
So far it's amazing - minus a couple defects - and I thoroughly enjoy it!
I am on the Level 2 Animal Care course and so far I've made some amazing friends which I'm ever so thankful for as I never thought I would fit in.
I do a list of different lectures including:

  • Biology.
  • Maths.
  • English.
  • Animal Welfare/Animal Health.
  • Animal Behaviour.
  • Estates - Practical
  • Work Experience.
  • Farm, Livestock - Practical.
  • Small Mammal's Work Shop - Practical.
  • Exotics - Practical.
  • Dog Exercise - Practical.
  • Assignment Review.
Yes, there's a lot aha! I only attend Monday 9-4, Tuesday 9:30-4:30 and Wednesday 11:45-2:45 (as you can probably guess; Wednesday's are my favourite.
I have actually vlogged in college and uploaded the vlog on my vlogging channel (I shall link the channel here). Please do check it out and possibly subscribe.
Here's some photo's of me and the animals at college.




ttylxox Chloe-May

Hello lovelies,
sorry for not updating my blog in so long, I know i promised a post everyday but it was quite hard to do alongside everything else happening in my life right now.
The other week I reunited with one of my oldest and bestest friends Ellie!
We had an amazing day full of coffee, stationery and of course laughter (we actually vlogged it and mine is already uploaded click here).
We took loads of photo's and had the most amazing time, I can't wait to do it again sometime soon!





Good evening lovelies,
Today I bring you the long awaited lip kit review!
So if you didn't already know (which I'm guessing you do because almost everyone does) Kylie Jenner recently brought out her cosmetics line-Kylie Cosmetics.
Unfortunately they sell out so fast so getting them is quite hard (that and they're quite expensive).None the less I managed to get my hands on 2. I got one for a friend and one for me.
From Left to Right; DolceK, Dead Of Knight.
 So ordering and shipping etc in my opinion was awful! I was in a queue for ages and when I finally got on there was hardly's any left MEHR. Then there was a customs charge, it wasn't too much money- £12- but still MEHR.
First impressions of the actual product though was amazing! The smell is better than I could of ever imagined and I kind of want my whole room and body and life to smell like this aha! It's a vanilla, candy, marshmallow kind of scent (I'm so bad at describing scents but it smells fluffy).
When I applied the product I was in absolute aw at how smooth the lip liner was to apply, I normally don't get along with lip liners as they can be quite chalky and make my lips look socker punched but this is the absolute opposite!
For the liquid lipstick i do have to say that, although the scent was good, the packaging wasn't. Yes it's cute but it doesn't have one of them suction thingy's which are on the majority of liquid based lip products that wipe the excess off and therefore it has far too much product on and becomes messy. Apart from that the product was easy to apply and it actually tasted nice to!
I would say that for this particular shade that one thin coat was NOT enough as it did show up quite opaque but nether the less I still loved this product.
I wouldn't say that it's worth the hype as there's loads of alternative's but if you do have the money then I would definitely go for it. 
I hope you enjoyed this blog post.
Than you for reading:)
TTYLXOX CM